Vessel

As some of you may or may not know (those closest to me will) I have been running away from something I've been afraid of since I was a teenager.

Long ago, I felt God calling me to make music for him. I felt led to, and dreamed of being in a Christian rock band. Some friends and I formed a band back when I was a senior in High School, but it never worked out. Between that and some other personal struggles I was dealing with, I began to doubt, fear and ultimately, I chickened out from the whole thing.

Down through the years, I felt guilty for "running away" from something I knew that God was calling me to do. But I pushed it away, brushed it off. Until now.

Shortly after I realized I was actually getting better, I started to feel that tug, to hear God calling me again. I felt like I must be going crazy--this is definitely NOT the optimal time in life to start something like this...I'm married, I have 3 kids to take care of and all the responsibilities that come with being a wife and a stay-at-home-mom.

But I can't ignore it anymore, or push it away. I feel like now that I am better, I've been given a second chance at life. A second chance to do what he's asking of me...

I prayed and prayed and prayed about it. I talked with Nick and we prayed about it together. I finally decided to step out of my comfort zone, bite my lip and just go for it. I told God, "Okay. I'm a willing vessel. If this is your will, if this is what you want, you make it happen."

And boy, has he... I recently joined a Christian rock band by the name of "Vessels of Grace." I do not think the name is a coincidence. :-)

I've also gone through some major personal changes--I've decided that I'm going to stop pretending and trying to be this perfect image that I've convinced myself everyone wants me to be. I'm done with that, and I am getting back to my old self. I'm going to just be me--the person who I really am and I no longer care if people like it or not. God looks at the heart and he knows mine like no other ever will. Those who are the most important in my life know and embrace the true me. If someone doesn't like it, then they don't need to be in my life. It's that simple. I know it sounds harsh, but I've spent 7 years of my life striving to squish myself into a mold that I just do not fit. And I'm done with that. I'm going to be happy to be me--the me that God made me to be.

I'll keep you all updated as to the progress of the band. And I promise to put up some more tutorials soon, too. I have several new things I've made but haven't had the time to post. :-)

~Michelle