Vessel

As some of you may or may not know (those closest to me will) I have been running away from something I've been afraid of since I was a teenager.

Long ago, I felt God calling me to make music for him. I felt led to, and dreamed of being in a Christian rock band. Some friends and I formed a band back when I was a senior in High School, but it never worked out. Between that and some other personal struggles I was dealing with, I began to doubt, fear and ultimately, I chickened out from the whole thing.

Down through the years, I felt guilty for "running away" from something I knew that God was calling me to do. But I pushed it away, brushed it off. Until now.

Shortly after I realized I was actually getting better, I started to feel that tug, to hear God calling me again. I felt like I must be going crazy--this is definitely NOT the optimal time in life to start something like this...I'm married, I have 3 kids to take care of and all the responsibilities that come with being a wife and a stay-at-home-mom.

But I can't ignore it anymore, or push it away. I feel like now that I am better, I've been given a second chance at life. A second chance to do what he's asking of me...

I prayed and prayed and prayed about it. I talked with Nick and we prayed about it together. I finally decided to step out of my comfort zone, bite my lip and just go for it. I told God, "Okay. I'm a willing vessel. If this is your will, if this is what you want, you make it happen."

And boy, has he... I recently joined a Christian rock band by the name of "Vessels of Grace." I do not think the name is a coincidence. :-)

I've also gone through some major personal changes--I've decided that I'm going to stop pretending and trying to be this perfect image that I've convinced myself everyone wants me to be. I'm done with that, and I am getting back to my old self. I'm going to just be me--the person who I really am and I no longer care if people like it or not. God looks at the heart and he knows mine like no other ever will. Those who are the most important in my life know and embrace the true me. If someone doesn't like it, then they don't need to be in my life. It's that simple. I know it sounds harsh, but I've spent 7 years of my life striving to squish myself into a mold that I just do not fit. And I'm done with that. I'm going to be happy to be me--the me that God made me to be.

I'll keep you all updated as to the progress of the band. And I promise to put up some more tutorials soon, too. I have several new things I've made but haven't had the time to post. :-)

~Michelle

Miracle.. Part 3

Since I've been totally true to my nature and written WAY more than ever intended in this "tale", I will do my very best to keep this one short and sweet. Here goes...

"Doctor Right" (as I refer to him now) not only figured out what's been wrong with me all these years, he has me feeling BETTER! Yes, REALLY feeling better! Finally!

My diagnosis has 3 parts: Crohn's disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (in short, it means my immune system is attacking my thyroid) and Psoriatic Arthritis. (Arthritis from Psoriasis)

He started me on a "cocktail" of medications back in August. The first two weeks were Hell on Earth, but after the initial "yuck", I started to notice big changes in how I felt. There was less and less pain, I wasn't getting sick after eating and even the skin on my upper arms and legs cleared up. (He said that was all part of it, and that I would notice it going away as I felt better)

Unfortunately, during the first month, I developed an infection and needed an antibiotic, which I turned out to be HIGHLY allergic to. My anaphylaxis was so bad that I had to stay in the hospital for a couple days. While I was there, they took me off of ALL medications, save those which treat allergies. Alas, being off the new meds threw me right into a flare up of the Crohn's. After 2 miserable weeks, I went back to "Dr. Right" and we slowly started me back on the medications. And I FINALLY started to feel better....and it lasted.

All my skepticism and doubt has gone out the window. It's been about 3 months since I was diagnosed and started the treatment and I can honestly say that I feel like I am alive again. I am slowly but surely reclaiming my life. It's been a slow process; I still find myself pretty weak and don't have half the stamina that I used to. And I have some permanent damage from the whole ordeal, mainly stuff that is a result of the nasty vitamin deficiencies, osteoporosis, that kind of thing. But I consider myself lucky if that's the worst this whole mess has left me with.

I am improving every day. I can happily say that I am able to eat again, without pain or getting sick afterward. It feels absolutely amazing to be able to plan my day without worrying if I am going to be chained to the bathroom or have to carry a bucket with me.

I am so blessed, and so, so, so grateful that God led me to "Dr. Right." I know that this isn't "over", that it will come and go, but let me tell ya, I am really enjoying this part and I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. :-)

So, there ya have it. My health "story". You know, for the first time in 12 years I went 3 months between doctor visits. Yep, 3 months. Before that, my longest time was around 2-3 weeks. Woot!

I want to thank each and every one of you who have been there for me over the years. To those of you who have listened to me whine, to those who visited me in the hospital, and to those who prayed for me or kept me in your thoughts....THANK YOU. You will never know how much it means to me or how much I appreciate you. Just wanted to get that out there.

Blessings,

~Michelle