Craziness....

I had one or two days last week where I was feeling somewhat "ok". It was my intention to get my first tutorial posted. I had everything ready, but when I went to grab the camera, alas, the battery is dead and the charging station/cord is MISSING. Noooooo! I do have another camera but it's a puny point and click we bought at the last minute on our honeymoon. So, I apologize for the quality of the photos--as soon as I am able to locate the power cord, they will be much improved, I promise. And if all goes well, I hope to have the tut finished this evening. :-)

In other business, the last two weeks have been INCREDIBLY crazy. I went for my follow up labs and such. In the meantime, I was still violently ill and in a ton of pain. Wednesday night I found myself back at the ER because on top of it all, I broke out in hives from head to toe and started having chest pain. I got sick in the triage room so they took me back right away. The nurse stepped out to find me a gown and I could hear her and the doctor talking. I heard the doctor say "don't bother, we know what's wrong with her". The doctor then came into the room and proceeded to break the new to me that I had tested positive for hepatitis C.

I totally lost it. This was not what I was expecting to hear, nor did I want to hear THIS. Sadly, it all seemed to fit---the chronic recurring pain in my right side, the stomach problems and "indiscretions" I deal with on sometimes a day-to-day basis, the itching, rash, etc...all of it. It really did fit. The only thing that didn't fit was, "How on earth did I get it?" Knowing that my wonderful Ex was both unfaithful and a drug user in our marriage, we summed it up that I must have contracted it from him.

The doctor gave me some stuff to calm me down and stop me from getting sick. I was sent home and referred to my GI doc, who is also a Hepatologist. She stated that she did not think I had hepatitis C and ordered a plethora of tests. In the meantime, my follow up blood work came back from the Rheumatologist, and it showed that all my tests for lupus and RA, etc. were NEGATIVE this time around. My ANA, which is the test that indicates Auto-Immune, however, was very strongly positive.

So what did this mean? I got a phone call today from my GI doc's office. All my testing for the hepatitis C came back NEGATIVE. Woohoo! But, all the labs she did for things like auto immune, lupus, etc. came back POSITIVE. Ok, so which is it? I went back to my family doctor for my follow up today. He took a look at all 3 sets of blood work and said that the ER was wrong. The hepatitis screen came back positive because I had such a high amount of antibodies. The rest of the tests indicate Auto-Immune Hepatitis. So, I do not, DO NOT, thank God, have Hepatitis C. It IS hepatitis, but it's Auto-Immune Hepatitis. Basically this means I have the symptoms of hepatitis, but it comes from my body attacking its own liver. It's not contagious so I'm not in danger of passing it to anyone.

My doctor put me back on the prednisone, but this time instead of taking 15 mg and then tapering down, I'm on a straight daily dose of 20mg for 7 days. I go back to see him next week, and he will be referring me to a specialist who handles auto immune hepatitis. He also recommended that we order a liver biopsy to get a good look at what the liver is actually doing. My liver enzymes DID come down slightly, so that's a good thing. Now we just play the waiting game.

I do have to say that I find it VERY frustrating and confusing to be given a diagnosis one week and have it withdrawn the next. I don't understand why they didn't WAIT to make sure it was Hep C before telling me that it was... talk about turning a person's life upside down!! Thanks alot, Cumberland Medical Center! Yuck.

Despite it all though, I am grateful. I am so glad it's not Hep C. The thought of passing it to my husband or kids just made me sick inside. So at this point I am rejoicing in that. Now I just wait for the next step....

I want to thank you all for the prayers and kind thoughts. It's always appreciated.

Blessings,

~Michelle

Roll with it...

One of the things I have never been good at in life is learning to roll with the punches it throws at me. When strife or disaster hits, I tend to focus more on overcoming/eliminating the challenge, rather than accepting it and learning to live with it. This also applies to the new blog.

I had hoped to have it up and running and have my first tutorial posted yesterday and I was super excited about it. However, my body had other plans. Sunday evening, my stomach symptoms all came back with a vengeance and I was ill all night into the next day. I had hoped that whatever it was would be eased up by the afternoon, but I wasn't so lucky.

Rather than being able to post pictures and instructions yesterday, I instead spent the majority of my day at the hospital. First it was just for a routine visit to my Rheumatologist for what should have been a normal progress check and follow up labs. It didn't turn out to be a "normal visit". After hearing how I had been sick with the stomach stuff (yet again, ugh!) and looking at the previous lab work, he sent me straight over to the ER. For the most part all they did there was testing. They did give me a couple shots of zofran and levisin, neither of which really helped, unfortunately.

My labs at the ER all came back normal, except my liver function. So they ordered some more specific liver tests, and the results weren't great. My liver enzymes were pretty high and one of them was almost 10 times the normal rate. The physician who treated me told me that she would be more comfortable if she could admit me but I refused. We have enough going on lately, I don't need to screw up everyone else's life just because my stomach is out of control again. She sent me home last night with a prescription for compazine and levisin. She referred me back to my family doctor for a follow up today. I have to have more blood drawn and if the liver numbers are any higher, I "seriously need to consider letting them admit me". Whoopee.

I'm praying that whatever it is causing it, has abated by now. Being put in the hospital again is the last thing I need.

I often find myself so frustrated by my health "issues". They always seem to come at the least opportune times. I'm trying to remember to just "roll with it", but it is hard to do. Rather than want to just "go with it", I instead get upset at the fact it happened, wish it wasn't so, worry about how I can get rid of it, make it better, etc.

I know this does no good and I would be much better off just learning to live with the problems, but I am having a hard time putting those thoughts into actions. I suppose that's all part of the growing process though. As the saying goes, "the first step is admitting that there is a problem". Well, I'm admitting that I've not yet really learned to "roll with it". But I know thatI need to, and I am going to try.

I'm about to leave for my follow up labs, please pray that they are lower today. I really do not want to be spending time in the hospital again....not my idea of fun. LOL

As for that tutorial, perhaps I can get it posted later this evening or tomorrow, depending on what this afternoon brings.

~Blessings,

Michelle

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes...

So, I have decided to re-design my blog, rather than create a second one and have to deal with the hassle of 2 separate accounts, emails, etc. I have been itching to do something new for quite some time and I've finally come up with what I wanted to do, along with a brand new page design.

I'll be blogging about everyday life, and also posting some of the different crafty things I like to make, along with tutorials, instructions or patterns for those who wish to make them. My ultimate goal is to start a small home business with all this stuff. Those of you who know about the shoes know that the website didn't work out, but it's a good thing, because I feel I have much more to offer than just baby shoes. But of course, it all depends on if that's in God's plan for me, so we'll see. :-)

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the tutorials and reading about the crazy everyday "adventures" around here.

Blessings,

~Michelle

Leap of Faith

First off, an update to the homeschool thing: It's becoming less of an "if" and more of a "when". I've been talking to friends, researching on the internet and brainstorming for ideas of just what curriculum I'm going to try with him. I still have not been able to get a straight answer as far as getting him therapy along with homeschooling, but I'm not giving up. I know that when it comes to dealing with the school system, especially the SP-ED department, persistence is key.

There is a possibility that it might be sooner rather than later that we start homeschool. Calum has been running fevers off and on again, and has swollen glands as well. His doctor has been out of town all week but we have an appointment for Tuesday Morning. If you ask me, it looks like his Mono is relapsing, but of course, I'm not a doctor. If we're going to deal with this kind of thing again, it means more missed school and threatening letters. Joy. If it comes down to it, I will just pull him out early, although I REALLY would like him to finish out the year there and graduate Kindergarten.

Ok, enough about that. On to the next exciting thing going on:

A couple of weeks ago, I did something that was partly out of frustration and partly out of creativity: I made Gabrielle some baby shoes. I was getting tired of her shoes not fitting her. She has tiny feet (she still "fits" a size 1) but the top of her foot is really thick, so even though a size 1 is the right length, she can't fit in them. Size 2 gives her enough room at the top but falls off her foot because it's too long. So I was bit by the creative bug, and I searched online for some baby shoe patterns. I found a couple that I thought would suit her, dug through my stash of fabrics and went to town.

Even though it was a bit awkward sewing something so small, I managed to make her two pairs of baby shoes. The first one was a loafer-style shoe, made out of pastel pink and green polka-dots. The second was a pair of slippers that resembled a toe shoe. (ballerina slipper) They turned out absolutely ADORABLE and I was quite pleased with myself. Eager to show off my latest accomplishment, I posted pics of them up on my Facebook account. And then something amazing happened:

I began getting messages, comments and emails from people who wanted to know if I was interested in selling the shoes. I kept the idea in the back of my mind all the while trying out new patterns and even making up my own designs. Over the next couple of days, I continued to sew and post pictures of baby shoes. The more positive feedback I got, the more I kept thinking about selling them.

I have always wanted to start my own business. It's been a dream of mine to make and sell the different things I have sewn/created down through the years. Now, it seems like the opportunity is really presenting itself.

I bounced the idea off of Nick, I talked with friends and family and I prayed--A LOT. The last few days have been filled with sewing, praying, brainstorming and contemplation. At first I was doubtful. And then as I was looking to scripture, as I do when I'm really searching for an answer, I felt compelled to read one of my favorite passages-- in Proverbs 31. *

As the words of that passage played over and over and began to sink in, I felt that God was telling me to give it a shot. I went through my whole fabric stash and selected all of the fabrics I had that would be suitable for making baby shoes. I counted up my thread collection, along with notions and embellishments--bias tape, ribbons, bows, buttons, etc. I looked at what each item cost me, and what the fair market price would be for them now. I added it all up and that was my "magic number"...the cost of all the materials I had on hand. I decided that if I can sell enough shoes to reach that magic number, I will take it as a sign to really go for it.

I came up with a price for the shoes and set to work, learning new styles and testing out new ideas.

God works in strange ways...the day after I made the decision to try and sell that "magic number", I received my first order for shoes. And not A pair of shoes...enough pairs to reach that magic number--on my first order!

I'm feeling excitement, anticipation, and even though I am anxious about it (of course) I feel peace, as well. I feel that God is giving me an opportunity to do something with the gift he's given me. My head is swimming with ideas; they just keep coming to me! Right now I'm racking my brain (and those of my friends) trying to come up with the perfect name for the business.

I've already received more orders since the first one and it's only been two days, so I think this is really happening. I'm loving it, too. Finally I feel like I can help chip in, income-wise, and that makes me feel good. I love being a stay at home Mom, but sometimes I wish I could do more that was "tangible" for my family.

Anyway, please pray for me as I begin this venture. Pray that I am able to do this as God is leading me. Pray that I don't fall back into my rut and try to control everything, and pray that God will bless my work.

Below I have posted the passage in Proverbs 31 (NIV) for you to read. This is one of my favorite passages in the bible. I see it as words to live by; an example of what God wants every wife/mother to be. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Blessings,

~Michelle



* " A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Decisions, decisions....

So now that we've been here in the home awhile, and the Holidays are over, it's back to our regularly scheduled lives, and regularly scheduled stress. :-)

I am (and I say "I" because Nick wants me to make Calum's education decisions solo) facing a dilemma of sorts regarding Calum and his education.

Over the holidays, I had yet another tooth crack and break off. Those that know me well know that I have some pretty extensive dental issues. (More on those another time.) While I was at the dentist, I ran into Calum's speech therapist. We got to talking about Calum and how he's going into first grade...and it opened a can of worms.

Since we've moved, he is zoned for another school here but we have been taking him to the same school he's been at, simply because he's done so well and we don't see any point in putting him through the ordeal of changing. We figured that we'll just send him to the school he's zoned for, in the fall. He's in his 2nd year of Kindergarten, so he would be starting first grade in a fresh new school....not so.

According to this therapist, he's not going to be able to have a regular first grade class like he did for Kindergarten. For first grade, because of his special needs, he will need a CDC class....and the school he's zoned for doesn't have one. There is only one school here in the county that offers a CDC class for his age group/needs...and it's back at the same school we pulled him out of a couple years ago.

I've talked this over with my family and friends, and the first thing everyone says is "Well, it will be different teachers, different class, etc." That's not true though--the same kids he was in the other class will be in this class with him. It's the same kids, same age group, same school...and I don't like it one little bit. The memories of him coming home with bite marks, bruises, scratches, the finger-shaped bruises from where he was choked...call me crazy, but I really don't want to risk it again! Not to mention how much he regressed when he was there... I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it.

Years ago, when everything happened with this school, I felt God speaking to my heart about homeschooling him. Despite my fears about not being able to homeschool a special needs child, I decided to gave it a shot and see how I could do with just his last year of Preschool...and it worked out well. He improved well beyond anyone's expectations and was more than ready to start Kindergarten when it was time.

Now that I am finding out all of this and thinking about how much I dread letting him go back there, the thoughts about homeschooling are creeping back in again. I'm doing research, asking questions and trying to decide if I should give it a go. I've talked with Nick a few times about it, and he's just not sure what to do. He's always told me that the education decisions for Calum are up to me, and sometimes I feel like that's just too big a load for me to carry all by myself.

Friends, I need your prayers. Pray that God shows me the right decision in this...whether it be to let go of my fears and send him back to that CDC class, or if I need to buckle down and take it upon myself to educate him. I want to give him the best shot he can have. I just don't know if trying to homeshcool a special needs child is something I can do, and should I leave it to the "professionals", or if this is an opportunity for me to rise to a challenge.

Please pray that God shows me his plan for this.

All my love,

~Michelle

Hello, Again....

Well, it has been ages since I have posted anything here. My "40 Days" turned into just a couple weeks' worth of posts. But there has been a good reason--I've been busy, busy, BUSY.

The weeks after my last post were filled with days and nights spent working on the house, scrambling to get it finished in time. At first we were given a deadline/closing date of November 9. Nick was scheduled in Alabama for those last two weeks so it was basically up to me and a handful volunteers to finish. I spent many a night working until the wee hours of the morning, doing my best to get it all done. We finally finished on November 8, only to have them move the closing date to November 16. Oh, well. We still spent that last week doing little touch ups and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

They held a dedication for us, which consisted of a nice ceremony and a ton of housewarming and "pounding" gifts. Basically, before we even moved into the house, the pantry had been filled with food and our bathrooms and kitchen were stocked with things like towels, potholders and other small necessities. They also gave each of the children a quilt that had been hand-made by volunteers. It was truly an amazing experience.

Once we finally closed on the house, Nick had to go right back to work in Alabama. I moved me and the kids in earlier than planned because it was getting so cold out and the furnace at the old place was still broken. The first night we slept here, it was so nice and warm and peaceful. The kids and I all slept on the pull-out sofa in the living room, all snuggled together. It was wonderful and I'll never forget it.

Right after we moved in, the Holidays started. We celebrated Thanksgiving here in the new home with some of our family and I cooked my first full Thanksgiving meal. Of course, Christmas was right behind that, and I have to say that it was the best Christmas I've ever had in my life.

On Christmas Eve, after we had finished wrapping the presents and getting settled in for the night, Nick and I sat there talking about how wonderful it was to be celebrating Christmas here in the new home. We are so blessed; God has been so good to us!! Looking at the soft lights from the tree, all the presents piled around it, hearing the quiet sounds of the kids sleeping, looking around our beautiful new home and feeling the warmth and comfort....it was just...magical.

The journey that I began is still continuing, but I have made some real changes. Even though I didn't have time to sit down and write about it, God spoke to my heart about many more things in my life that I needed to take another look at.

Since we have moved in, I have felt so much peace and found so much comfort just being me. I'm no longer hating myself when I look in the mirror, I'm doing a much better job keeping up with my house and I have noticed I have more patience with the children and with Nick. I've also been realizing just how blessed I am and I have learned to be happy with what God has given me. I'm finally able to see just how wonderfully full my life is. I'm starting to be more positive about things and I'm focusing more on the good than the bad. It's amazing what prayer and scripture can do for you. :-)

I intend to keep writing about new discoveries or realizations...whenever I get the time, of course. These days I'm staying busy from the time I get up until the time I go to bed, so free time is rare. :-) I hope that everyone's Christmas was everything they wished for and I hope this new year brings more than anyone could ask for.

Blessings,

~Michelle

Word of God, Speak

I wanted to wait a bit before I made my next post, but my heart is so very full right now and I just need to let this out.

Last night, after writing that post, I could not sleep. I spent quite a bit of time in prayer, talking with God about forgiveness. I laid awake for what seemed like hours, chewing things over in my mind. Nicholas woke up and I talked to him about everything. Or rather, I rambled on and on and he listened as well as one who is not completely awake, can do.

As I talked about the part where God's word says that I need to forgive others so that God can forgive me, he stopped me and said he didn't think that was really true, that God would still forgive me. Ever the argumentative one, I rattled off Matthew 6:14-15 to him: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Well...OK. I didn't completely rattle it off. I kind of stumbled over it, and forgot the actual address but I knew what it said... I had the right idea!)

As soon as I had finished saying the verse, I realized something. For the first time in my Christian life, I have truly been seeking God's Word. Until now, I have never really looked to His Word. I have looked at it, I've read it, I have even memorized some scripture throughout my life. But I have never saught it.

In times of trouble. I have just prayed, "Your will be done" and just pushed on through whatever trial I was facing. In times that have been good, I have all but forgotten about it. I guess that I had been telling myself that believing He was there, and that He died to save me from my sin was enough for me. Obviously it is not.

The difference in me now is that I can finally see that his Word is a great big part of this relationship with Him, and it's been missing all these years. As I have decided to truly, freely seek it, it has taken its place as a huge part of my life. I am thirsting for it, absorbing it and standing on it.

I am finding an application for it in just about everything in my life. When I have heard that my friends are down, I've used it to try and comfort them. When those little negative thoughts have started to creep in, I have used it to shoo them away. When a nasty spider came to visit me and my children the other day, I used it to call upon the power of Jesus to give me the courage to whack it with a shoe. (I typically run screaming when I see one)

As I lay there thinking about all of this, I felt something inside me that I hadn't truly felt before: peace. I felt a deep, real peace. The kind that you can just wrap yourself up with and rest in. The kind I have never known.

Ever since this began, I have felt God leading me in the directions where I need to go. I have had realizations and affirmations. But, despite what I feel I am learning, and despite how many times I have sat down and poured my heart out to him in these past 10 days or so, I still have not felt that I have been "heard".

It's not that I was looking for an answer. That, He has already given me. No, what I have been looking for, and craving is His presence. I have been longing to feel Him there beside me when I pray. And even though I haven't been feeling it, I have not doubted Him. I have kept telling myself that He is there, He hears me and He will reveal himself to me when the time is right.


Last night, I truly, truly, felt God's presence. I felt Him wrapping his arms around me and I felt His love and his peace. I finally know what it is like to feel that peace that passes all understanding.

As I write this, the tears are starting to flow. I am so filled with emotion right now. I feel this deep and fulfilling love that is just flooding me. I have a true and profound Joy and I feel as though my heart is going to burst!

"I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing. John 15: 11" He has given me overflowing joy and gladness. It is my prayer that he fills you with it as well.


As I pondered all of this last night, a song kept playing over and over in my head. I leave you with the chorus to that song; I believe that it fits here quite nicely:

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak


All my love,
~Michelle