Decisions, decisions....

So now that we've been here in the home awhile, and the Holidays are over, it's back to our regularly scheduled lives, and regularly scheduled stress. :-)

I am (and I say "I" because Nick wants me to make Calum's education decisions solo) facing a dilemma of sorts regarding Calum and his education.

Over the holidays, I had yet another tooth crack and break off. Those that know me well know that I have some pretty extensive dental issues. (More on those another time.) While I was at the dentist, I ran into Calum's speech therapist. We got to talking about Calum and how he's going into first grade...and it opened a can of worms.

Since we've moved, he is zoned for another school here but we have been taking him to the same school he's been at, simply because he's done so well and we don't see any point in putting him through the ordeal of changing. We figured that we'll just send him to the school he's zoned for, in the fall. He's in his 2nd year of Kindergarten, so he would be starting first grade in a fresh new school....not so.

According to this therapist, he's not going to be able to have a regular first grade class like he did for Kindergarten. For first grade, because of his special needs, he will need a CDC class....and the school he's zoned for doesn't have one. There is only one school here in the county that offers a CDC class for his age group/needs...and it's back at the same school we pulled him out of a couple years ago.

I've talked this over with my family and friends, and the first thing everyone says is "Well, it will be different teachers, different class, etc." That's not true though--the same kids he was in the other class will be in this class with him. It's the same kids, same age group, same school...and I don't like it one little bit. The memories of him coming home with bite marks, bruises, scratches, the finger-shaped bruises from where he was choked...call me crazy, but I really don't want to risk it again! Not to mention how much he regressed when he was there... I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it.

Years ago, when everything happened with this school, I felt God speaking to my heart about homeschooling him. Despite my fears about not being able to homeschool a special needs child, I decided to gave it a shot and see how I could do with just his last year of Preschool...and it worked out well. He improved well beyond anyone's expectations and was more than ready to start Kindergarten when it was time.

Now that I am finding out all of this and thinking about how much I dread letting him go back there, the thoughts about homeschooling are creeping back in again. I'm doing research, asking questions and trying to decide if I should give it a go. I've talked with Nick a few times about it, and he's just not sure what to do. He's always told me that the education decisions for Calum are up to me, and sometimes I feel like that's just too big a load for me to carry all by myself.

Friends, I need your prayers. Pray that God shows me the right decision in this...whether it be to let go of my fears and send him back to that CDC class, or if I need to buckle down and take it upon myself to educate him. I want to give him the best shot he can have. I just don't know if trying to homeshcool a special needs child is something I can do, and should I leave it to the "professionals", or if this is an opportunity for me to rise to a challenge.

Please pray that God shows me his plan for this.

All my love,

~Michelle